angels in the architecture

aptfire-41-20071025

Last February, an apartment building near me burned. 

aptfire-153-20071025-2

It was just the leasing office, so no one was hurt.  The leasing office staff is now camping out in one of their own apartments.

The disconcerting thing is that the building is no more than 30 feet from my apartment windows.  The fire started at 4:00am, but I didn't hear a single thing.  I thought perhaps it was because the fire station is just across the street, and they didn't need sirens coming over. But no, there were a number of fire companies involved, and apparently a fair amount of commotion.

I went out to my car the next morning, drove out, noticed a fire hose and thought "Where does that lead?"  Only then did I notice that the building to my left had no roof.

My uninformed guess is that something happened in the upstairs weight/workout room, which was open 24x7.  The fire pretty clearly started at the top and burned down.  There were no sprinklers, which makes me feel slightly better - the apartments have sprinklers.

No break on the rent, though.  It was still due on the first.

Dave tagged me for 8 random things, and God help me I'm going to respond.  I normally never respond to forwarded message ("Forward this to 138 of your friends, and within 15 minutes you'll get thousands of messages back!"), and so you'd think I would eschew tagging.  But the sad truth is that I haven't been tagged very often.

I guess it's 8 random things about me, and not just about, say, weasels.

1. I was evaluated from the now-infamous Guantanamo Bay naval base during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  I was only 2, so I don't remember a darn thing about it, but apparently they put me and my mom on a ship.  (My dad points out with some exasperation that the prison is only a very small part of that base.)
2. I worked for a computer store called The Electric Brain in 1977.  It closed down after 6 months. (That tells you something about the owner's lack of business acumen.)  I choose not to attribute that closing to the pieces of hardware I destroyed was trying to solder them together.
3. The town I was born in - Salmon, Idaho - is very slightly north of the 45th parallel.  I remember this because every time we drove up there, we'd pass that sign that says " 45th Parallel: Halfway between the equator and the North Pole".
   

   45th
4. In high school I saved my pennies and bought at HP-25 programmable calculator for $195.  (In 1977.) Yes, I was a real geek.
5. I took two years of acting in college.  Can you tell?
6. I’m ½ British.  My mom is still a British subject.
7. I was in Southern California during the 1984 summer Olympics.  Contrary to expectations, traffic during those two weeks was much lighter than normal.
8. I’m contrary and don’t choose to name 8 things.  Anyway, 7 is one of my favorite numbers.

And I'm really not into passing on the equivalent of chain letters, so I'm not tagging anyone.  Hmpff.

There are things you learn how to do, painstakingly, each improvement only coming after much work.  I call these things talents.

And then there are things that you never work at very hard, you might not even think about, but none the less just come to you.  Things you are instinctively drawn to and good at.   These are not the same as talents - these are gifts.

These gifts don't seem to come from me, at least not anything I've done. I haven't "earned" them.  I call them 'my' gifts - but they are 'my' gifts in the sense of 'my children' - I'm entrusted with them, but they don't really belong to me.

But they do come with responsibility.  I have a strong sense that I'm meant to share these gifts.  I get enjoyment from my gifts, of course.  But I enjoy them even more if I share them with others.

Some of my gifts became apparent to me when I was young.  I love learning new things.  I love books.

Some things I discovered because of the feedback from teachers.  My high school english teachers helped made me aware that I was a decent writer.

And some took a long time to come to fruition.  I've been taking pictures for 25 years, but only realized in the past few that I have some gift for photography.

I use all those gifts now with those around me. I enthusiastically share whatever grabs me at the moment..  I write to friends. I take photographs for my church and for for those I know.

My gifts continue to pull me forward, to challenge me.   I've been given something, in some cases a kernel.  What can I do with my gifts now?

That's one of the reasons I'm writing here.

I know I had a copy of Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled back in the 80s.  I'm not sure I ever finished.  After reading it again, I know I didn't get it at the time.

The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and

M. Scott Peck

The book's messages are not ones I probably cared to hear in my 20s:

Life is difficult and delaying gratification ... is the only decent way to live and true love requires separateness and as we negotiate the curves and corners of our lives, we must continually give up parts of ourselves.

But now .. the book shines with truths encapsulated and articulated, truths that have me nodding as I read, highlighting passage after passage.

Once again, I also see the connection between what Peck writes and the Eastern spiritual traditions.  I've seen that theme over and over in the past couple of years.  I guess those are the glasses I've been wearing.

I struggle with what to write here.

It’s not writer’s block that afflicts me, but more the struggle inside me about what to say, how much to reveal. The most powerful writing comes out personal experiences, but this is the Internet.  What I write here will be available to anyone who cares to look for it.

It’s not really a rationale fear. (Is there such a thing? When you get to the bottom of it?)

The best I’ve been able to make of it is that for me, at least, it’s tied back to goals.

Yes, goals.  I struggle with making and achieving goals for myself.  Underlying that, I believe, is fear – fear of being judged.  If you don’t set a goal, you can’t be judged against it.  Not at all rationale, but that’s fear for you.

But back to writing.  This is a start.

Isn’t it?

I went through a difficult time several years ago.  During that time, I read a book by Thomas Moore called Dark Nights of the Soul. Moore talks about the universal experience of getting to that desolate place, and having to push through it. Moore suggests we try and look upon these times as a gift instead of a trial.

I'm not sure it's possible to see it as a gift when you're in the midst of it; I certainly couldn't. But you have a choice when you start to come out of it: you can look back and say "poor me," or you can see what you've learned, and how you might live your life differently for the experience.

One of the most reassuring chapters in Moore's book is titled "Life's Ironies"  A few excerpts from that chapter, squished together:

Dark Nights of the Soul

Thomas Moore

By wit I mean the ability to have an original response to events or to see humor instead of tragedy everywhere.  Wit allows you to take a large view of matters that seem personal and small.  In my practice of therapy, I always try to add some humor and intellectual spark to the often swampy and humorless experience of a life problem.  Even in the Dark you have to be awake and alert.

People often sense one emotion at a time, instead of appreciating the emotional complexity of the situations in which they find themselves.  But it is possible to have "emotional wit," to see past the obvious feelings and appreciate the paradoxes and ambiguities that surround you.  ....

The people I rust most to be my teachers and guides can laugh at the human situation and at themselves.  They can see irony in the most serious matters.  Their laughter seems to free up their compassion and liberate them from narcissistic worry about themselves.  Tragedy tends towards self-pity, while a more subtle an complicated view allows you to go beyond any preoccupation with yourself. ...

It is the very nature of spirituality, which cultivates a more than human perspective on things, to be essentially humorous and ironical.  It offers a different point of view, usually in sharp contrast with conventional wisdom, and so irony is of its essence.  The teachings of Jesus, for instance, naturally flow thick with irony, as do most assertions and narratives of the religions.  ....

One good road out of the "tragic" ego is a sense of the ironical and the comic.  You may get to the point where you realize that if you want happiness, you have to accept profoundly and honestly that sadness waits at every turn.  Every decision for happiness will get you in trouble [!], and your occasional courageous forays into the dark will likely give you a taste of heaven.  Opposites weave back and forth into each other, like a thousand yins and yangs interpenetrating. ....

No, you yourself have to take your life seriously.  Feel its weight. Admit its complexity. And as the Jungians would say, honor its shadows. Irony can come only from an awareness of the good and the bad, the successes and the failures, the areas of intelligence and the zones of folly and ignorance.

Know that you are both intelligent and stupid, often in the same moment.  Admit to what you desire and fear.  If you did little more than those two things, you would be filled with irony and your actions would be infinitely more trustworthy for their honesty.  It's all right to have grand and eccentric longings. It's all right to be afraid. Only by embracing those two emotional pillars will you glimpse the nature of your soul, which is the ground of your existence.

"Know that you are both intelligent and stupid, often in the same moment" ... oh, I do.  I do.

The Happiness Blog touches on a core truth in life: you cannot rely on other people to make you happy.  You do not have control over them.  Go out on the street tomorrow, flag someone down, and try to get them to take you where you want to go without talking to them.  You might get there.  But you're more likely to make them and you unhappy.  Better to get in your own car - or a bike, or a bus going in that direction.

Here's a quote from the Happiness Blog that I like a whole lot:

Happiness definitely requires an independent, rebellious spirit that refuses to let difficulties take control of our hearts and minds. Refusal to let difficulties define our identity, feelings or our actions is a key to happiness.

I like that.  Happiness isn't about blissing out and pretending everything is wonderful.  Sometimes being happy means you have to have an attitude.  Instead of Mr. Rogers, maybe it's Robert De Niro:

"Hey difficulty! You talking to me?  Yeah, you!  You think you're gonna bring me down?  Get outta here! I'm happy."

Well, ok, so maybe Robert De Niro would use more pointed language than Mr Rogers.  But you get the idea.

The New York Times had a lovely story on the vernal equinox that informed me that vernal equinox is

(a) lovely little Latinate term that means “equal night of spring,” is used to indicate the March-based equinox even in the southern hemisphere, where the event is really the start of autumn.

Gratitude.  Consciously being grateful for what you have in your life.  Expressing that gratitude to others. Accepting it from others.

Practicing Gratitude.

I have a rule of thumb when I go to the grocery store: if I see the same story in more than one tabloid in the same week, it's probably true.

By that standard, the idea of deliberately practicing gratitude has to have something about it.  I've seen it mentioned all over in the last year or two.

The latest mention is from fellow blogger Sue Stonebendender. I don't know Sue, but Edward Vielmetti put a link to Sue's post in his Vacuum weblog.

Some of the other places I've seen it talked about:

• Folk singer and songwriter Christine Kane.  Christine writes a wonderful blog, and she splashes references to gratitude all over it.  Some of my favorite posts:

• Why Gratitude Makes You Happier and Wealthier
  

• Practicing Gratitude
  

• Gratitude Journals and Why They Work

A few years back Christine decided that New Year's resolutions don't work. So instead, she decided to just pick a word to focus on for the year. Her first word: gratitude.

• Martin Seligman's book Authentic Happiness.  Seligman is a pioneer in the field of positive psychology, which seeks to turn around psychology's usual focus on problems.

• Plant something and nurture it
• Count your blessings - at least five - at the end of each day
• Take time to talk - have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week
• Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet up
• Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it
• Have a good laugh at least once a day
• Get physical - exercise for half an hour three times a week
• Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day
• Cut your TV viewing by half
• Spread some kindness - do a good turn for someone everyday